hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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