so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
