why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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