My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
