Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
