Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
