so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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