i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
either way he was missing a nipple.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
