you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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