i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
