I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
