please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish you could order shots online.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
