So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
