We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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