I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
