I must be too annoying 4 u.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
