Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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