Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize