oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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