For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
