Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who wears a wallet chain?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
