I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
