You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
