i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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