That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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