i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm always down for nudity.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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