So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
