I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
