i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
