I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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