I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize