I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
