I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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