i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
