Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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