Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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