that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
