Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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