I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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