i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Life without a bra equals bliss.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize