She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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