We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
