I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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