but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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