if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize