I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
