how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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