Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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