is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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