He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
