..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
