yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
