Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
