I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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