just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
