also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
