Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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