I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
