Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
