no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
