a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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