porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
