I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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