We named our party play list daddy issues
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
