My first STD was from a foam party
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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